Spring is the air...yes even though we've still got snow banks as tall as a small car...Spring is definitely around the corner. I've even heard reports of cardinal sightings. If it's true that the summer birds are navigating their way back home, then those April showers and May flowers can't be far behind. And what do thoughts of Spring bring about in people? Well, I've heard how a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of love. Maybe so, but most of the men in my vicinity seem to have only thoughts of spring training for the upcoming baseball season, fishing, camping or other outdoor activities.

It's my thought, though, that it's the young woman whose fancy tends to make the man believe he should be thinking more about love and less about baseball or fishing. It's she who makes all the moves, sends out the signals and causes his attention to be momentarily diverted from cleats, caps and poles. Her short-shorts, halter tops and open toe sandals are the number one contributing factors to him throwing all other thoughts out the window in order to pursue her "fanciness".

On occasion though (and correct me if I'm wrong) a young woman's thoughts are not only about love, they're also about, "the dress, the day and of course, the ring". Which seems a tad sneaky, because the only thing on his mind, when in the presence of short-shorts and halters, is well...you know. But, her thoughts just might go all the way to the end of the story...the alter. Spring is all about weddings. How many people are married in the spring? The statistics are astronomical and the wedding business goes into overdrive. Business is booming for wedding planners, caterers and bridal shops. Spring is their Christmas and a bride needs a groom, so thank goodness his "fancy" is in high gear.

Now, this isn't to say that all women are out to bring home the gold (so to speak), but hey, most women can't seem to resist this perfect opportunity. Ask your parents, check with them as to when your father first noticed your mother. I'll bet my computer keys that your father's head swiveled all the way around when he noticed the smiling, laughing girl sitting on the park bench or walking her dog or going for an afternoon stroll. Her golden hair waving in the gentle, spring breeze and the sun shining off her glistening, tan skin. I doubt very much he noticed the mousy, pale girl sitting in the library with her face buried in a book.

And not to offend the mousy girl in the library who did indeed get her man…how did you do it? I’m pretty sure you had to lift your head up from the book and smile at your intended. With some guys, that’s all it takes. You tickled his “fancy” and his thoughts turned to love. 'Nuff said.

Spring really is the time to turn a young man’s thoughts to love…with a little help from the woman.

The other day I said something that completely cracked my son up. And every time he said it out loud he couldn’t stop himself from laughing. It’s something I hadn’t said in a long time and it just happened to slip out. We were lugging boxes up from the basement and into his room and one was filled with heavy books. I was so surprised by the weight of it, I said, “Jeezum Crony Toads, this thing is heavy!”

My son looked at me and started laughing hysterically.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.

He stammered and tried to repeat what I’d said, “Jeezum chromie…what?”

“Jeezum Crony Toads.”
“Jeezum Crony…Toads?”
“Yeh, jeezum crony toads…what’s the matter with that?”

He started laughing all over again. I thought he was going to roll around on the floor, he was laughing so hard. I crossed my arms and watched him. Then I thought about what I’d said and I had to smile. C’mon, say it out loud; jeezum crony toads…it does sound funny.

Because I live in Maine and hear these phases all the time, they seem normal to me, but for those outside my locale, a lot of these can be called pretty damn laughable. Check these out:

Not only is there jeezum crony toads, there’s also jeezum crow as in, “Jeezum Crow this box is heavy!”

- Or here’s another: “Holy toledo, this box is heavy!”
- How about: “This is one wicked heavy box!’
- Or in the form of a question: “Is that box heavy?” Your answer: “I guess prob-ly it is!”

The lingo is funny as well; especially when getting driving directions from a local person (and not the standard, you can’t get there from here).

“You need to go a mile, mile -n- a half (which in Maine distance is more like two, two -n- half miles) down this here road. When you see the cow barn (which is tricky in the country, because they’re everywhere) take your next right onto The Davis Road (never just Davis Road, because in Maine, all roads have to have a The, as a part of their name) then onto The Back Road (which is probably just that, a dirt-packed, back road that’s filled with ruts and potholes big enough to swallow a small car). When you get to the end of that road, keep going straight (which really isn’t straight at all, but usually a twisting, turning road with plenty of dead man’s curves; that'll keep you riding the brake for almost the entire way) and then hook onto 121 (which is actually a state route number, but most Mainers usually just leave the word route off) and that’ll take you right into town and on Main Street. Once you’re on Main Street (streets don’t carry a The in front of their names, because they’re streets and not roads) head sorta, maybe southern-like (this would leave some unconvinced as to which direction they're really supposed to be going in) for a few minutes until you land on Place Street and the street you’re looking for will be right across from you.”

Now, as local, I know exactly where I'm going. But for anyone who isn't from around here, I wonder if a simple, “You can’t get there from here” would be easier.