I recently spent some time with an old friend who found herself suddenly single after years of marriage. While visiting she confessed to me that she was terrified of having to rejoin the singles scene. She was long out of practice in the dance of dating, the subtleties of flirting or even the importance of eye contact and a smile. When she asked for my advice on how to go about dating, I was shocked. Me? I've been married so long I don't think my husband would even notice if I was wearing my shirt backwards, much less if I was trying to make flirty eye contact.

My friend held up the book I'd written over three years ago, "I ask because you write such nice stuff about love and I thought you'd be more in the know on the ins and outs of dating."

Ahhh...I thought, she's been reading my fiction disguised as real life book. "Well," I told her, "it's cool that you read my book, but not every word of what's in there is real.

"Really? But it all seems so real."

"It is," I told her, "some of it anyway. The rest is kind of real...in an unrealistic kind of way."

"Then where do you get your inspiration?" she wanted to know.

I had to think about that one; where does my inspiration come from?

"When I write, I try not to think about the dirty clothes piling up, the nasty dishes collecting in the sink or being the complaint department for everything that goes wrong in everyone else's lives. I think about the past...past love, past happiness and what makes me happy today. The things that aren't a part of the mundane routine of living."

"What if you can't remember how love used to be?" she said.

"Then go to the mall and watch the kids, especially those that seem to be in love. They're the ones who have a handle on what being in love should be like. They hold hands, snuggle and can't keep their hands off of one another. They look at one another when they talk and they're focused totally on each other...not the things around them. Those are the kinds of things I think about when I write about love. I imagine the couple being so intent on the other person that they forget everything and everyone around them. I think that's what's wrong in a lot of marriages these days, couples are so worried about fulfilling the needs of others that they've forgotten the needs of one another."

"That's great and all, Deb, but how's that going to help me get a date?"

All I could do was shrug, "maybe when you meet somebody how about being like a teenager and focus completely on the person in front of you? Not complain about your ex, your ungrateful kids or your lousy job. How about finding out what your date likes? More than likely they'll do the same for you, and if they don't and instead they go on and on about their ex, ungrateful kids or their lousy job...then my advice would be to move on."

My friend was less than impressed with my profound words, "um...that's not exactly what I was looking for from you. I wanted something more like a 1 2 3 step by step instruction guide. All you gave me were generalizations."

I shrugged again, "sorry...I write fiction. A real love story is rarely about real life, it's usually about which one of you can tell the best stories in order to keep the other one from getting mad."

She threw the book at me.