The other day I said something that completely cracked my son up. And every time he said it out loud he couldn’t stop himself from laughing. It’s something I hadn’t said in a long time and it just happened to slip out. We were lugging boxes up from the basement and into his room and one was filled with heavy books. I was so surprised by the weight of it, I said, “Jeezum Crony Toads, this thing is heavy!”

My son looked at me and started laughing hysterically.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.

He stammered and tried to repeat what I’d said, “Jeezum chromie…what?”

“Jeezum Crony Toads.”
“Jeezum Crony…Toads?”
“Yeh, jeezum crony toads…what’s the matter with that?”

He started laughing all over again. I thought he was going to roll around on the floor, he was laughing so hard. I crossed my arms and watched him. Then I thought about what I’d said and I had to smile. C’mon, say it out loud; jeezum crony toads…it does sound funny.

Because I live in Maine and hear these phases all the time, they seem normal to me, but for those outside my locale, a lot of these can be called pretty damn laughable. Check these out:

Not only is there jeezum crony toads, there’s also jeezum crow as in, “Jeezum Crow this box is heavy!”

- Or here’s another: “Holy toledo, this box is heavy!”
- How about: “This is one wicked heavy box!’
- Or in the form of a question: “Is that box heavy?” Your answer: “I guess prob-ly it is!”

The lingo is funny as well; especially when getting driving directions from a local person (and not the standard, you can’t get there from here).

“You need to go a mile, mile -n- a half (which in Maine distance is more like two, two -n- half miles) down this here road. When you see the cow barn (which is tricky in the country, because they’re everywhere) take your next right onto The Davis Road (never just Davis Road, because in Maine, all roads have to have a The, as a part of their name) then onto The Back Road (which is probably just that, a dirt-packed, back road that’s filled with ruts and potholes big enough to swallow a small car). When you get to the end of that road, keep going straight (which really isn’t straight at all, but usually a twisting, turning road with plenty of dead man’s curves; that'll keep you riding the brake for almost the entire way) and then hook onto 121 (which is actually a state route number, but most Mainers usually just leave the word route off) and that’ll take you right into town and on Main Street. Once you’re on Main Street (streets don’t carry a The in front of their names, because they’re streets and not roads) head sorta, maybe southern-like (this would leave some unconvinced as to which direction they're really supposed to be going in) for a few minutes until you land on Place Street and the street you’re looking for will be right across from you.”

Now, as local, I know exactly where I'm going. But for anyone who isn't from around here, I wonder if a simple, “You can’t get there from here” would be easier.